ic contact post

[therealgenius]

You've reached the voicemail feature for Justin Hammer. I apologize for any inconvenience I may have caused by being unable to answer your call, but I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you, and have a good day.

Comments

[manofiron]

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This better?

I give you my solemn promise that I won't show up to your family's party naked. How about jeans and a nice shirt? I'm a little leery of ratty t-shirts when I'm meeting your parents. I want to look good, you know? Respectable.

[therealgenius]

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Yeah, I don't have much money. Can you spot me $12k or so?

Can't even type it with a straight face.

That's your call, man. They already know all about you. From me, not from the newspaper.

[manofiron]

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I think I could scrounge it together. Dig through the sofa cushions.

So they know I'm not respectable already, huh? You know, I've never--Actually no. They're your parents. You know what's okay. If normal clothes are cool, then normal clothes it is.

[therealgenius]

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You should introduce that album to Captain Rogers. It's very vintage and throwback.

Yes, because if I'm inviting you up to my parents', I've done nothing but feed them terrible things about you. I'm setting you up for a fall. Totally. That is my master plan. I confess.

[manofiron]

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And the flying America cat? Think that would go over well?

Will your master plan be somewhat offset by me bringing my dad's vintage gun collection for your dad? Because he'd probably appreciate them more than me and someone ought to get some enjoyment out of them.

I need an idea of something to give your mom. Help me out here.

[therealgenius]

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I don't know him personally, so I can't say.

Yes and no. Because then you'll be the favorite and he won't stop fawning over you in the most manly and detached of ways, of course. Or you guys could go hunt some bears.

What? You don't have to get them anything. It's New Year's, not Christmas. The only thing she really gets kicks from lately are new cross stitch/crochet/knitting/wtfever patterns, recipes, and taking Dad's dvds out to put them in the wrong cases in the hopes that he'll be afraid he's getting senile.

[manofiron]

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Well, that makes two of us.

I don't want to hunt bears. Or be the favorite. You know how you're supposed to bring wine or something when someone invites you over to their house for dinner? It's like that. And I--Okay, this is going to sound stupid but I don't really know how to do this, so I want to do it right. That's all.

I can, you know, not bring a bunch of shit, too.

[therealgenius]

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They have a wine cellar. Don't worry about it. You don't have to impress anyone. You've already made enough of one to get the invite, okay, you don't need to do anything else.

You should, you know, not bring a bunch of shit. Besides packing because I usually stay for three days, so that'd be Tue-Thurs or Fri, depending on how long you want to be there. Can you do small planes? If I use my regular one, it'll be a half hour drive from the airport. If I use the smaller one, there's a field-turned-runway that's like a few dirt roads away.

[manofiron]

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All right. I'll dial back the attempts to impress them.

We can stay as long as you want. I don't mind. I'm looking forward to it, actually. And yeah, I can do small planes. I fly a tin can around on a semi-regular basis, remember? Small planes are okay.

How many planes do you have?

[therealgenius]

Chasing cars? You mean like the Joker?

Oh. Right. Iron Man. I totally forgot.

Just the two, actually.

[manofiron]

What? No. Never mind.

Really? You forgot? That's not something I hear. Like ever.

Do you use the smaller one much?

1/2

[therealgenius]

No, I didn't really forget. I was being facetious. Though, you know, if you fly around in that all the time, it makes sense if you'd want to use the big one.

Always for my penis, or if I'm going somewhere I really don't want to be disturbed at.

[therealgenius]

...*parents

[manofiron]

I'm sorry. I'm distracted by your penis now. What were we talking about?

[therealgenius]

Going to my parents' for New Year's. Stay focused.

[manofiron]

Hey, you started it. You stay focused.

[therealgenius]

That was autocorrect, you turd.

Now I'm going to turn it off and everytinhng will b lyk this

[manofiron]

Wow. Rude.

No it won't! You can spell. You can't convince me that you can't.

[therealgenius]

Im the rudest person in teh world to be honest i cant beleeve u havent figured that out by know

[manofiron]

I feel like I'm talking to 16 year old Justin right now. You didn't go back in time between texts, did you?

[therealgenius]

Totally did, dude. Me & William & Rufus back n time right now lol jk jk im still 40 8(

[manofiron]

Put Justin back on the phone, Ted.

There's nothing wrong with 40. 40's hot. Don't knock it. 16's got acne and high school and also it's illegal. Please don't be 16. :(

[therealgenius]

Ted's in law school

What if I was, like that Benjamin Button guy?

[manofiron]

I despair for the legal system.

I think I would probably cry. And then once you hit 18, I'd settle for being the coolest old guy friend you ever had.

[therealgenius]

You know he predicted he'd win because of the hole in the bathroom that let him hear in the juror's room, right? Ted's a sly son of a bitch

Don't cry. Please.