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Rock god Justin Hammer doesn't do Rolling Stones covers? Good. I will jealously guard my ability to view the sight of your flawless ankles. I actually don't wear socks all the time, but you're the only one who gets to see and touch my arc reactor. Does that count? Jesus Christ, what is wrong with that little troll?

Nope. It's all the Cult for me. That's way way way way way way better than ankles. It counts like a million times, yeah. Troll?

Have you ever been to see them? What if I really really really really really really like your ankles? Yeah. Holding the stuffed unicorn. It looks like he's trying to eat it.

Long time ago, yeah. They were great, of course. I guess I'll just take my socks off every time you come over/I come over? I think that's a girl, and little kids always like winning big plushie things at fairs, right? She's just really happy and it's just really fluffy. Apparently.

Want to go next time they have a concert? Or do they suck now that the lineup's changed? Yes. Should I always take my shirt off? I don't know. The only fairs I ever went to were science fairs at school. Did you go to stuffed animal fairs as a kid?

I don't really want to go because of the lineup change, but I couldn't tell you if they suck or not. I haven't listened to their more recent stuff. That might be distracting, actually. They have those sorts of things at amusement parks, too, like Six Flags and so forth. You fill up a balloon with water or shoot a line of moving ducks, you win a prize. I've been to a few.

Neither have I. I'll put one of their CDs on and give it a listen. You know I don't mind if you look at it, right? Or touch it. It's all right. Get as distracted as you want. If you're shooting things to get the prize, does that mean you've got a closet somewhere full of stuffed animals that you've won at amusement parks?

Tell me what you think. You're the rock expert. Yes, I know that much. That's the issue is that I'd end up touching it all the time and we'd never get much of anything done, and so forth and so on. Oh my God, stop.

I'm hardly an EXPERT. Do you want me to be honest with you again? Stop what? It's a legitimate question! You're the gun expert.

You actually kind of are. Sure thing. I'm a grown man, Tony, I don't keep plushies.

Aren't rock experts like, I don't know, groupies? Or roadies or something? I was never one of those. I like that you touch it. It makes me feel like less of a freak. And it, that thing I told you about? When it was taken from me? It helps. It's better memories that counteract the bad ones. Yeah but you're a good shot with a gun, right? That was my point.

I was more thinking someone who listened to it a lot/knew what was good, but it's good to know you never flashed Iron Maiden or Judas Priest as a way to get on the tour bus. That happened once, right? How many times do I need to do that to combat it as fully as possible? I always gave them to Goodwill or whatever. Let a little kid have it for five cents.

In some alternate reality where I'm a chick with big tits, you can bet I was probably doing that. But yeah, I'll give you my opinion after I listen to it. Who knows, it might be decent. What? No. It's not like that. Don't think it of it like that. I just mean that if you want to touch it, I'm not going to bothered. I like it. It's okay. Next time there's a fair, we should go and clean them out of stuffed animals. Drop them all off at the nearest Goodwill. Make some kids happy. (After you teach me how to use a gun.)

That would make having the arc reactor even more difficult, tig ole bitties. I didn't—I just. Look. Okay. Here's some honesty: you, shirtless? Kind of a thing. Like however I talk to you that gets you so wound up sort of thing. We could get all the little ones. I know they put a bunch in a bag and you can get the entire bag for like a quarter. I'm sure the bigger ones have their own prices, but yeah. Why the fuck not? (You got it.)

I never thought about that. Yet another reason to be glad that I'm not a woman. Wait, you mean you like it when I'm shirtless? I thought clothes on were a thing. We could be the scourge of the fair. All the game people could cower in fear when we walked up because they'd know we were going to clean them out.

How would that even work? Would Iron Woman be unable to breastfeed for fear of some sort of metallic poisoning? Should we look into that? Of course they are. But shirtless is a good look on you, too. We'll bring something to sooth the burn of their Hammeroids.

Now you're going to make me think about this for real. Thanks for that. :| Should I compromise? Just wear unbuttoned shirts all the time? Best of both worlds! That term should never be used again. Ever.

You're welcome! You could do that. You know, if you wanted. It works for me either way, so it's really up to you. But it's so funny!!!! It's the height of humor!!!

If I have to think about being a woman, I'm also going to imagine you eating woman-me out. FYI. Okay, what I WANT to do is make myself into irresistible eye-candy so that you can't keep your hands off of me. How do I do that? NO IT ISN'T AND I'M SORRY I EVER SAID IT.

That's good FYI. That's getting into some dreams I've had and they go on for a while and I don't want to compromise your decency.

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It's good, Tony. I'm reclaiming the hideous puns of my name. Forty has opened mine eyes unto the true meaning of having a name with a double meaning.

Yeah, you say that now. Until you get an irate call from Pepper because she walked in on me jerking off again. For the record, I would like to hear these dreams. Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, much. Damn it, I don't have tits. If we're going to talk about the double meanings, my favorite is the action form that involves you and me and the nearest available flat surface.

I already got that; I just didn't know she was irate because she caught you beating off. Please tell me you c/p'd "very" once or twice, not typed all that out, because that means I feel very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very obliged to give you what you want in that regards. Calm they pectoral muscles. Funny, but I nailed that one already.

What? No, catching me only happened once. I'm just saying, it could happen again. Good. Tell me. Think you could maybe refresh my memory? Because it's starting to get a little hazy.

Can't you have JARVIS tell her you're indisposed instead of her just walking in on that? I'll try? It's mostly just you with your hair like it was the morning we had birthday cake for breakfast. Remember how I said you looked? Yeah, like that. Except you're in a suit (which I think is a Thing, but I'm not sure why), dark pants. But your jacket and tie's off and on the back of the couch at my house in Maine, and I didn't know you were there. You were going for "surprise" or whatever. Anyway, so you're in that with the messy hair and you're wearing a really deep crimson shirt, almost with some purple tints, and I walk in and JEEVES is all "Welcome to your Maine house, Mister Hammer" (because I have him there now, too, thanks again) and I'm all hey what's up and then he goes really quiet (unusual) and then I realize you're there because you have him turn the lights on 25% and I'm like oh Jesus hi I wasn't expecting you and you're all yeah I know I wanted it that way and THEN you start unbuttoning your shirt and I just like can't think of anything to do but either slide into your lap or get on my knees and that's a reoccurring thing yeah Does that jog your memory any?

Uh yeah. He's supposed to do that. He just chooses not to sometimes to fuck with me. um i can do that i will do that god please can i do that

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