ic contact post

[therealgenius]

You've reached the voicemail feature for Justin Hammer. I apologize for any inconvenience I may have caused by being unable to answer your call, but I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you, and have a good day.

Comments

[therealgenius]

Multitasking is a valuable skill when it comes to micro- and macromanaging. Impressive.

Go south into wet dream for $1000, please.

[manofiron]

Okay. Most recent wet dream. This was last, no, two nights ago, I think. I don’t know. They blur together. I dream about you a lot.

Anyway, so there’s this benefit. I don’t know, save the whales, the rainforest, something like that. Raise money, donate it, you know. So I’m there and apparently I don’t realize you’re going to be there. I don’t know why. But you walk in and I’m going to go say hello, only I get held up by this guy who wants to talk stock options for something and I must be standing there like ten minutes while he just goes on and on. And the whole time I’m watching you and there’s this woman there. She’s all, you know, what I think you actually want, tits and ass and hair, and she keeps touching your arm and smiling at you and I’m getting more and more agitated because I don’t care about stocks and she’s got her perfect fucking fingernails all over you.

Boring guy finally goes away but I can’t go talk to you because now you’re busy, so I just leave. I walk out and go looking for my coat and I’m about to put it on and I turn around and there you are. And there’s like a dozen things I want to say but I don’t say anything at all. I just push you back against the door and I’m kissing you. Hard, you know, because I’m kind of, okay really jealous, and this is a stupid place for it because anyone could come in. Well, they’d have to get the door open first, but you know what I mean.

Kissing you isn’t cutting it though and I’m so hard it fucking hurts, so I spin you around and grab your hands, press them to the door and tell you not to move. And I think part of me’s expecting you to tell me to stop and I would, but you’re not and I don’t. So you’re against the door and I’m like right up against you, my dick’s flush against your ass and I’m unzipping your pants and you’re telling me to check your jacket pocket, don’t forget the jacket pocket, and I…

Um, is this what you meant or should I tell you something else?

[therealgenius]

Wow, yeah. That's what I meant. That is 100% what I meant. And now I have to ask:

[file attached]

Were you watching this two nights ago?

[manofiron]

I-- What? Is that Brokeback Mountain? No.

I can have dreams about pushing you up against walls, doors, and other flat surfaces without needing to be inspired by gay cowboys.

[therealgenius]

[file attached]

Sheep herders, not cowboys. Seasonal hires, actually. You go out to eat in Kentucky without being A Big Name long enough, you'll hear it. Just FYI.

Take a look—it's in December, but it's an event? If you'd really like more than inspiration, that is.

[manofiron]

Hear what? Sheep herders? Seasonal hires? Being gay? I'm okay with being gay.

Are you gonna feel like having sex in the coatroom at an event about cancer?

[therealgenius]

No, calling the Brokeback Mountain guys cowboys—they don't take all that kindly to that 'round them parts, y'see.

Does that bother you?

[manofiron]

Aw right, pardner. Ah won't call them folks cowboys. Jesus Christ, JARVIS, are you actually--No don't type out--I'm talking to you! Not Justin, you don't have--OH MY GOD STOP!

Okay, fuck him. Does what bother me? Justin. Sex with you kind of trumps being bothered by anything. It's like my anti-bother.

[therealgenius]

YOU'VE CREATED A MONSTER

BEHOLD YOUR CREATION AND DESPAIR

etc.

I suggested it, so I'm not bothered. If you are, however, morally shaken by the idea of fucking me against a door at an event where we're both already tossing money to the actual problem instead of actually attending like everyone else, that's okay. I'm sure there's something for beaten animals in November?

[manofiron]

I'd unplug him, but I think he'd just infect the internet and take over the world then.

I'm not bothered! Trust me, I could fuck you in any number of inappropriate situations and not be bothered at all.

[therealgenius]

Viktor, you should be ashamed.

Then I'm not bothered, you're not bothered, breast cancer people are getting awareness and money, and everyone wins, y/n/go west?

[manofiron]

If you don't know by now that I have no shame...

Maybe we should practice first. You know, make sure the logistics work in a real world setting. Dream physics can be dicey.

[therealgenius]

[file attached]

No, I know 'bout u

Symphony? Opera? Musical? 4H convention? I honestly could care less where we practice.

[manofiron]

You sure? I could refresh your memory.

Probably all of them. We might need a lot of practice.

I mean, it was more than just fucking you against that door. There was a whole--It took like twenty minutes.

[therealgenius]

I'm talking to you, it's pretty fresh.

Before December? Really?

You were jerking off for twenty minutes? Sounds like you have some issues.

[manofiron]

Are you saying I'm predictable?

Is that some kind of subtle way to say you don't want to have sex again until December?

No! The dream! Not me jerking off. Jesus Christ, I can do that in like two minutes.

[therealgenius]

Wtf? No. I'm saying I know who you are I'm talking to you I'm well-acquainted with you, okay.

Do you know me to be communicably subtle?

Well, that's no good. Are you done already?

[manofiron]

Okay, good. Because I don't have any shame and I don't want you thinking I picked it up somewhere.

Not usually, no.

Uh. No? I got sidetracked by gay seasonal migrant workers who weren't an appropriate representation of actual cowboys.

[therealgenius]

No worries there.

``

All right, I'll leave you alone.

[manofiron]

Wait, what? Leave me alone? Why would you do that? Don't do that.

[therealgenius]

You're occupied! Be occupied. Where are you even at?

[manofiron]

Home.

Do you have work that you have to get to doing?

[therealgenius]

No shit, Sherlock. I meant—workshop, bedroom, kitchen, shower, etc.

Not really. I could go back to watching Spiders from the Pit, however.

[manofiron]

Oh. The sofa. I've been moving around. You know, when I started--I figured I'd get comfortable.

I won't stand between a man and his spiders. Thursday for real, right?

[therealgenius]

The sofa it soberly began on sofa?

Thursday or bust.

Well, maybe you should bust first.