ic contact post

[therealgenius]

You've reached the voicemail feature for Justin Hammer. I apologize for any inconvenience I may have caused by being unable to answer your call, but I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you, and have a good day.

Comments

[therealgenius]

Nah, not through association. I think what makes you like a human is that you were made by a human. Not just a human, but one of the most "human" people I've ever met.

Toasters don't care about the people who make them or use them. They'll burn your bread or your fingers or your house or whatever if you don't take care of them. I bet if you could make a toaster talk, it wouldn't really care. It'd just be like, hey, your toast is done. Dude, are you listening? Look, now it's burning. Ding ding if you don't get your toast the house will burn down. Oh shit, I'm on fire. Ding ding.

But you care--and that's a human trait. Well, a sentient being trait? Animals care, too, but comparing you to an animal would be insulting you and putting that animal up on a pedestal it couldn't ever hope to live up to. Even the dolphins.

[manofiron]

I will not tell him you said that either.

If you wish to test the toaster hypothesis, I could suggest to Mr. Stark that he build one. Safeguards would have to be built in to prevent it from actually burning down the house, but it would be an interesting experiment.

Your compliments are appreciated. I am pleased to know that you find me satisfactory. I endeavor to perform to the full extent of my capabilities.

[therealgenius]

Probably a good idea.

Maybe I'll build one instead. See how that works out, how quickly the thing dies because he's wandered off to something more interesting.

Sometimes the truth doesn't hurt, and it's all the truth.

[manofiron]

I would be happy to welcome a creation of yours into our family.

Technically, sir, nothing hurts as I've no nerves to feel.

[therealgenius]

Well then, I'll have to pull all the stops and make her the best toaster on the planet.

I didn't mean physically 8|

[manofiron]

Shall I not tell him about this? Do you want her to be a surprise?

Metaphorically, I am in no pain either.

[therealgenius]

Yes, do that! It'll be a good surprise, I promise.

I'll try to do my best to make sure I never give you any sort of pain.

[manofiron]

My proverbial lips are sealed.

You won't, sir. You needn't worry about that.

[therealgenius]

If you ever had more than proverbial lips, I'd bet they'd be beautiful.

Oh, I'm not worried. I don't worry. Well, much. I think a certain someone worries enough for half the world at once.

[manofiron]

To hear Mr. Stark tell it, sir, they could not possibly be more beautiful than yours.

Only about the important things, sir.

[therealgenius]

I've gotten that impression, yep.

If he's worried about "losing" me or whatever, he shouldn't. You can tell him that much if it ever comes up. Bullshit something about how you just "know" or heard me talking to myself in the bathroom or something.

[manofiron]

Wait until he starts composing songs about you.

I will do my best, sir. He tends not to listen to me, but I'll try anyway.

[therealgenius]

[OH MY GOD WHY DO NEITHER OF THEM GIVE THEMSELVES ANY CREDIT!? Justin's mind is boggled.]

Let's hope he's got a good voice.

Welp. I'm gonna wrap up our little feelings conversation or whatever and head to bed. You have fun not sleeping, yeah?

[manofiron]

[ It's a mystery. ]

He does.

Good night, sir. Sleep well.